Persona? What's a persona?
by Black Jackal
Summary: Shin Megami Persona 3 FES : An AU crackfic. Ryoji's a player, Pharos is the devil's son, Metis plays with gundams, and Jin just stole your identity!
1. Chapter 1

I got the idea from thinking of Evangelion's Angelic Days series and reading too much Ai Kora

I got the idea from thinking of Evangelion's Angelic Days series and reading too much Ai Kora. An alternate reality fic!

Episode One

-A plan for nitwits-

Minato and Junpei are eating at the Wild Duck Burger joint.

Junpei: Dude. They must have put something in this burger because the room is spinning. Dude?

Minato couldn't bother to respond as he stared at the fairies dancing on his head. He and Junpei ordered a mystery burger, and the mystery was getting a hold on them. They paid and dragged each other outside.

Junpei: Ah. My head. Why is the world spinning?

Minato: Shush. Tinkerbell is trying to tell me something.

The two idiots slowly dragged themselves to the dorm before meeting with a familiar face.

Ryoji: Hey guys.

Junpei: Dude? What are you doing here?

Ryoji: Hiding from me brother.

Ryoji immediately jumped in the nearest trash can

Pharos: Brother! Brother! Come out come out wherever you are! Oh hey guys. Have you seen my brother?

Minato: I saw him head for Palownia Mall.

Pharos: Aww. Mommy won't let me go that far. Well if you see him tell him I'm looking for him. Bye bye. (giggles)

Long ago when Minato and Junpei first met Pharos they agreed on one thing, he is a product of the devil. His evil smile, his devilish giggles, and his ability to make a pouty face and make any girl believe what he says. Pharos symbolized death to the trio.

Junpei: He's gone.

Ryoji: Whew. For a moment I thought I was a goner.

Minato: What are you doing here?

Ryoji: I'm glad you asked Minato! Gentleman let us meet somewhere less conspicuous.

The headed for Chagall Café

Ryoji: Yukari Takeba, the queen of the second years. You both live in the same dorm as hers. So I thought last night that using your friendship with her we will begin the ultimate heist!

Junpei: Heist?

Ryoji: The heist of the queen's underwear.

The atmosphere between the three changed.

Minato: It's too risky. Being caught could mean … execution.

Ryoji: True, but if we succeed we will be heralded as heroes among the male student population.

Junpei: I am with you man.

Minato: I … will throw my hand in.

Ryoji: Men, our plan begins at dawn. Here's the plan.

Step One: At 0800 hours I will invite myself into the dorm. Using my charm I will convince everyone to play monopoly. Junpei, Minato, you must do everything you can to lose first.

Step Two: With you two out Junpei will then go to the bathroom. Minato, you will use this as an excuse to use the upstairs bathroom. Rather then using the bathroom though you will sneak into Yukari's room and steal her underwear.

Step Three: You will stash them in a bag and meet back up with me. You will give it to me saying I left it last time I came.

Step Four: Celebrate.

The plan seemed fool proof to them. At 8:00 Ryoji arrived with monopoly in hand.

Ryoji: Who's up for a game?

Mitsuru couldn't resist monopoly.

Mitsuru: Fool, you will all bow before my superior skill in real estate.

Fuuka: I don't know…

Mitsuru: You will all play!

Fuuka: O-okay…

Ken: Uhh, if I have to.

Akihiko: Such a drag…

Shinjiro: Pshaw

Yukari: Why not? It can't hurt.

Ryoji: _That's right!_

And so the devilish plan was put in action. Minato and Junpei easily lost to the tyrannical real-estate agent within Mitsuru. The plan then started.

Junpei: I need to use the bathroom.

And so Junpei initiated the second phase. With the downstairs bathroom occupied Minato started his part.

Minato: I have to use it too…I guess I'll go upstairs.

Minato rushed upstairs. He made his way quietly to Yukari's room. Unlocked. What luck? He opened the door. What an odd room he thought. He stepped on a manga and when opened it was surprised to see a very hardcore yaoi one.

Minato: _She reads this?_ _Nevermind. It's do or die time._

Minato made his way to the dresser. He found it. The radiance eminated from the drawer as he stared down at the lingerie. The look on his face was priceless. He reached down and just grabbed anything. He ran to his room and packed it up. He ran back down.

Minato: You forgot this last time you came Ryoji.

Ryoji: Thank you. _THANK YOU!_

Ryoji could barely contain his excitement. Eventually the game was over as Mitsuru forgot herself and laughed maniacally as she threw the pretend money above her and it floated on her.

Ryoji: Uhh … you can keep it.

Ryoji ran home. The greatest heist in history … had one flaw.

The next day Junpei and Minato sat tied to a chair in the conference room on the fourth floor. Everyone say as Minato initiated the panty raid, stuffed it in a bag, and handed it to Ryoji via cameras. They all suspected Junpei for helping this.

Ryoji: Hello everyone!

Ryoji came in for a usual visit. He ended up tied up. At midnight Junpei, Minato, and Ryoji as in the conference room tied up. They where left there abandoned.

Ryoji: There are cameras in your dorm!

Junpei: Apparently.

-Iron Chef Shinji-

Shinjiro Aragaki is a simple man, but replace simple with badass. He strives to be as badass as possible. You could not begin to comprehend how badass he is. He's almost Chuck Norris badass! But he has a deep dark secret.

Shinjiro: I like to cook. How badass can I be if I'm making a soufflé?

This was a problem for him. There was only one person that knew his dilemma.

Akihiko: … That's your big secret?

Shinjiro: Yes … it's shameful I know.

Akihiko: Have you taken too many pills lately?

Shinjiro: I don't take pills.

Akihiko: Sure you don't.

Thus Akihiko was unwillingly swept into Shinjiro's love of cooking. However today something caught Shinjiro's eye.

Shinjiro: Wow, an iron chef competition. Iron chef sound badass. I can be badass and cook. Problem solved.

Thus he resolved to enter it, but it is done in teams of four. With Akihiko-

Akihiko: I'm not doing it.

-joining him-

Akihiko: I'm not doing it!

-Shinjiro still needed two more assistants.

Akihiko: DAMMIT I SAID I'M NOT DOING IT!

Shinjiro: Do it or I'll tell everyone why you wear a shirt with your swimsuit.

Akihiko: Where do I start?

Shinjiro: I still need two more people though. Minato is too busy hanging out with s. links. Junpei is a dumbass. Mitsuru is a rich girl who doesn't even left her own fork.

Mitsuru: Someone feed me I'm hungry.

Shinjiro: So that leaves Yukari, Fuuka, and Koromaru.

Koromaru: _bark bark_

And so Shinjiro informed Yukari and Fuuka.

Yukari: That's the big secret! All my doujins are ruined now!

Fuuka: It can't be as bad as you think it is.

Shinjiro: Imagine how the idiot trio would react.

_Junpei: YOU! COOK! Awww, where's your apron._

_Ryoji: Probably in the laundry with his skirt._

_Minato: Your girlier then Bebe, and no one's girlier then Bebe._

Fuuka: You're right.

Yukari: That gave me an idea for a doujin.

Shinjiro: Huh?

Yukari: Oh nothing.

Shinjiro: So help me. If I'm an iron chef, then I can be badass and cook.

Yukari: Sure.

Fuuka: But I'm really bad at cooking.

Shinjiro: It can't be that bad.

Fuuka. Well…

Last Tuesday

Junpei: IT'S ALIVE!

Minato: SAVE ME! IT'S GNAWING ON MY LEG!

Koromaro: _growling_

Fuuka: It was suppose to be a salad.

End flashback

Shinjiro: Damn, you do suck. But I don't have a choice. Just don't touch anything!

Shinjiro, Akihiko, Yukari, and Fuuka all entered the competition where all they did was cook. Suffice to say it was rather boring. So let's cut to the award ceremonies.

Shinjiro: Last place …

Fuuka: I said I was bad.

Shinjiro: All you did was wash the vegetables!

Thus Shinjiro lost the title for iron chef.

Shinjiro: THAT'S IT! I DEMAND A BADASS ENDING!

Takaya: (aiming)

Shinjiro: NOT THIS BADASS!

-The transfer student is a robot!-

In Ms. Toriumi's class everyone had heard that there will be a new transfer student.

Ms. Toriumi: K class les m-E-t teh nu studnt D

Aigis: Hello everyone. I am Aigis.

Ms. Toriumi: Ne Qs 4 teh studnt ?D

Junpei: Yah, is she a robot?

Aigis: Why would you think that?

Jenpei: Well for one thing you have the voice, the perfect posture, the tone, the hands, and your ears-

Aigis: FIRE!

Junpei: AHHHH!

Ms. Toriumi: HAY! No firearms in me class D

Aigis: I am sorry.

Ryoji: For a robot you're cute.

Aigis: This is not chobits.

Ryoji: Let me find your on button!

Aigis: FIRE!

Ryoji: AHHHH!

Ms. Toriumi: I SAYZ NO GUNZS! D

And so the class met the trigger happy gynoid.

Minato: I think the new girl likes me.

Junpei: How can you tell?

Minato: She won't let go of my hand. I think she broke the bones in there.

Aigis: I am in stealth mode. You should not notice me.

Ryoji: Stealth mode … sure.

Aigis: FIRE!

Ryoji: AHHHH!

Aigis: I will protect you from him. He is a bad influence.

Minato: Tell me something I don't know. I had three reverses thanks to him.

Ryoji: Shut up.

Aigis: I will be by your side. When you are sleeping, bathing, using the bathroom, brushing your teeth, changing your cloths, breathing, ect, ect.

Minato: Uhhh … yay?

Junpei: I wish I had a girl that would do those things with me. Hell I'll settle for a suicidal gothloli.

Ryoji: Careful what you wish for.

And so the four of them headed to the dorm were apparently Aigis is staying. However on the way they were intercepted.

Metis: SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

At that point Minato and Aigis were crushed by ten tons of robot.

Metis: Hey! I'm not that heavy.

Minato: MY RIBCAGE!

Aigis: Metis, go home.

Metis: But sister! I want to hang with you.

Aigis: Not now, I'm preparing for second base.

Junepi: Dude!

Ryoji: No way!

Minato: For some reason I'm not as thrilled as you two.

Metis: What's second base? May I go with you.

Junpei: Double dude!

Ryoji: Minato forget that they are robots! THIS IS EVERY MANS DREAM!

Aigis: FIRE!

Junpei and Ryoji: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Metis: Who are they?

Aigis: I don't really know or care.

Metis: And who is he?

Aigis: This is Minato. I will protect him from now on.

Metis: Awww, but who will I play dolls with?

Junpei: Dolls?

Metis: You wanna see them?

Ryoji: No.

Metis: Too bad. RISE SHINING GUNDAM!

(G Gundam theme plays)

Metis: Do you like it?

Junpei: (jaw-dropped)

Ryoji: THAT'S NOT A DOLL! THAT'S A GUNDAM!

Metis: Then let's play!

Ryoji: Suuureeeee…If I get one too.

Metis: Okay (hands him a Barbie doll). There, let's play!

Junpei: …

Minato: …How old are you?

Metis: I'm six years old!

Aigis: She was developed six years ago and I was developed fifty years ago.

Minato: But you both look seventeen!

Junpei: Dude…robots…

Minato: Oh yeah…


	2. Chapter 2

Back by popular demand

Back by popular demand! Or not… Now with more pedo bait!

Episode 2

-For the younger audience-

Ken stared at Maiko across the classroom. Now before this turns to a random pairing fic let's add some humor. Ken hates Minato! Why? He maxed The Hanged Girl social link, that's why. And worst of all he said yes to her question! We will never look at Minato the same way again. Anyway now the kids must get into groups to work on science projects, or some other convenient excuse to put them together.

Ken: Maiko want to work with me?

Maiko: _If I work with short-stuff then I can go to Minato's dorm. _Sure.

Of course it wouldn't be funny unless we involved a third wheel.

Metis: I'm working with you both and if you don't like it then it's hammer time!

That's right. Metis is Aigis's younger sister after all, much younger.

Ken: _Damn! How will I win Maiko's heart with Metis around! _Don't you want to be in some other group.

Metis: No, they aren't main characters.

Ken: Yah but your more a side-quest character.

Metis: ORGIA MODE IS GO!

Teacher: Young lady, we do not talk like that in this classroom!

Thus the trio was formed. Overly mature boy, pedo bait, and side-quest character. That night they got together at the dorm.

Maiko: Minato! Who is this girl?

Aigis: I am not this girl. I am Aigis.

Minato: She won't let go of me. I haven't gotten oxygen in my brain for wee- Oh look a butterfly!

Phileman: I am making a cameo appearance.

Maiko: HE'S MINE BITCH!

Aigis: Bring it.

Junpei: CAT FIGHT!

Yukari: One's a robot, the others a little girl.

Junpei: Cat fight is still a cat fight.

Metis: GO SISTER!

Ken: Don't hurt yourself Maiko!

The all out battle raged on accompanied with all out attack dust cloud. When the smoke cleared, it is clear who won.

Maiko: That'll teach you for trying to take my Minato.

Aigis: Critical error. Critical error.

Ken: Great job Maiko!

Maiko: Out of my way short stuff I'm looking for a man! Not a boy.

Ken: I can be every bit as manly as Minato. I can go around with an emo haircut and make friends with random people!

Maiko: But do you?

Ken: No…

-Ken comes up with a plan-

Ken had took what Maiko said to heart. He will have an even emo-er hairstyle and talk to even more random people then Minato … or will he?

Ken: Metis! You're going to dress up as random people and we'll pretend to make social links!

Metis: No.

Ken: Oh really. I guess it's too much to expect from just a side-quest character. I mean this is nothing for a main character, but-

Metis: Let's do this!

Ken: Great! Let's go!

Ken then ran into a wall because he can't see past his emo haircut.

Maiko: La-la-la!

Maiko sand as she made her way down Shirwakawa Boulevard.

Ken: Hey miss, may I help you with your bags?

Metis dressesd as an old lady trying to cary heavy bags: Oh thank you. What a fine young man you are.

Both at same time: Social Link is made!

Maiko: Lame.

Later, in front of Palownia Mall

Metis: I am an upcoming instrumentalist, but no one will listen to my music.

Ken: I will miss.

Both: Social Link made!

Maiko: Boring.

Later in front of the shrine.

Metis: Listen up heathens. The end of the world is coming.

Ken: Why is that?

Metis: So you'll listen to my prayers!

Both: Social Link made.

Maiko: Yawn.

And finally they gave up.

Ken: NOOOOO! Now I'll never have Maiko.

Metis: It's okay Ken. I'm sure you can find another girl.

Ken: Really?

Metis: Of course!

Voice in Ken's head: Thou art I and I am thou. Thou shall have our blessing when thou chooses to make a persona of The Hierophant Arcana.

Text: The Robot Sister social link has been established.

Ken: That was really weird. Persona? What's a persona?

Metis: Huh?

Ken: Nothing, I guess.

-Yukari and Fuuka spy-

Yukari is still pissed at the events that transpired in chapter 1. To put it short, she wants more revenge. So today she is going to spy on the idiot trio, but she decided to get some help from a certain computer geek that can't cook for shit.

Fuuka: Hah. With my haxxor power I will become the strongest player in World of Warcraft!

Yukari: Fuuka! What are you doing?

Fuuka: I'm most certainly not violating the terms of agreement and cheating my way to the top of the nerdiest online game ever created!

Yukari: Huh? Does that mean you're free all day?

Fuuka: If I say yes will you not tell anyone?

Yukari: Uhhh, yes?

Fuuka: Then I'm free.

Yukari: Great.

And thus Yukari filled her in.

Fuuka: Spying!? Isn't that an invasion of somone's personal privacy?

Yukari: Isn't stealing my bras an invasion of mine?

Fuuka: Good point.

Yukari: A trio of idiots like them probably have something to hide that we can bust them for.

Fuuka: Okay, but didn't we already tie them to a chair, starve them for a week by only letting them eat my cooking, execute them, and post embarrassing pictures of them on myspace?

Yukari: We can do more.

And thus the duo set off to try and find anything in Minato's room.

Yukari: Has this ever heard of decorating? I have never seen a blander room.

Fuuka: It is rather unfurnished.

Yukari: We wont find anything here.

The duo moved on to Junpei's room, however the moment Yukari opened it she was trampled over by a mountain of garbage and debris.

Yukari: Does that idiot ever clean!

Fuuka: …

Yukari: What is it?

Fuuka pointed at a couple of raccoons.

Yukari: AAAAAAAAGH!

Yukari kicked one of them out the window.

Fuuka: There's only one enemy left.

Yukari: I won't miss!

Yukari shot an arrow and missed.

Racoon uses Thunder Reign

Fuuka: Be careful! It's powerful!

Yukari: Shut up!

The duo ran from the wannabe pikachu.

Yukari: Well we got nothing on Minato or Junpei.

Fuuka: That leaves Ryoji.

Yukari: Yah, but his mom is so weird. Oh well.

At Ryoji's house Yukari knocked on the door.

Yukari: Hello, anyone home?

Nyx: THE ARCANA IS THE MEANS BY WITCH ALL IS REVEALED!

Yukari: Hello Ms. Mochizuki.

Nyx: Hello Yukari, Fuuka.

Fuuka: Hi.

Yukari: Is Ryoji home?

Nyx: DEATH AWAITS EVERYONE! Why no he isn't.

Yukari: Oh well we came to… play with Pharos?

Nyx: Oh how nice. CLINGING TO A DIM HOPE! MAN ENTRUSTED HIS FUTURE TO THE CARDS! Come in.

Yukari: Thanks.

And thus the two made their way to Ryoji's room.

Yukari: Damn it it's locked.

Pharos: Hello girls.

Erebus: (Bark)

Pharos: Have you met my dog?

Yukari: What a cute … doggy?

Fuuka: Does it have two heads?

Erebus: (wines)

Pharos: Please, he's very self-concious about it.

Fuuka: Oh, wait a minute-

Yukari stopped her.

Yukari: Pharos, do you have the key to Ryoji's room?

Pharos: Of course.

Yukari: Can we have it?

Pharos: Of course, I have plenty of spares anyway.

Yukari: Yes!

The duo broke in Ryoji's room to find a room full of rather revealing posters, a heart shaped bed, and other … tasteful items. He probably hired a certain hotel contractor to design it.

Yukari: This room is disgusting.

Fuuka: Oh my, I knew he was like that but … this is a new level.

Yukari took a few pictures.

Yukari: Let's bail.

And so the two made there way back to the dorm and waited for the idiot trio.

Ryoji: Man, I had a blast today.

Junpei: Man, how did you get so good at Arcana Heart!?

Ryoji: It's my favourite game at the arcade. Those girls just kick ass.

Minato: Hello Yukari.

Yukari: BUSTED!

Idiot Trio: Wha?

Junpei: Is it against the law to go to the arcade now?

Yukari: Look at these.

Ryoji: My room?

Junpei: Looks like it.

Minato: Unmistakable

Yukari: And I'm going to hand out copies at school.

Ryoji: And?

Yukari: And?

Ryoji: It's just my room.

Yukari: It's a disgusting room.

Ryoji: Oh it varies from person to person.

Yukari: It will hurt your image, no girl will ever go on a date with you.

Ryoji: Whatever.

Next day!

Girl 1: Oh Ryoji, sweep me off my feet.

Girl 2: Back off bitch he's mine.

Ryoji: Ladies ladies! There's enough Ryoji for all of you.

Yukari: Did the world go crazy?

Fuuka: It's a possibility.

--

And that's another chapter! Please Review. Send some of your own ideas for a skit because I'm lazy.


	3. Chapter 3

Todays chapter is half dedicated to our favorite social links

Todays chapter is half dedicated to our favorite social links, half dedicated to our favorite pill-popping homicidal maniacs. Note: I do not own Persona, Shin Megami Tensei, or McDonalds or Burger King. Can you spot the Digital Devil Cameo?

Part one: When you wish upon a star.

Mamoru, a star athlete, a hard working individual, a cool guy to eat with, and gives you Helel at max s. link. He's an average guy, except he's poor, really poor. Deadbeats give him money! But anyway, let's see what one day with him is like.

Mamoru: zzz-zzz-zzz

The alarm clock rings

Mamoru: Good morning world! The trees are buzzing, the birds are chirping, my mom is taking a shower when we can't afford the bath door or a shower curtain. Yes, life is sweet. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go puke.

You would too... You would too…

Mamoru's brother #0025: Big bro big bro! Look what I can do!

Mamoru brother #0025 removed a tooth, and put it back.

Mamoru brother #0025: Pretty cool huh?

Mamoru: Yah, but Mamoru brother #0174 can do that with all his teeth.

Mamoru sister #0094: Brrrotheeeer! Take me to the park!

Mamoryu: Okay. Who else wants to go?

Mamoru was then tramped on by thousands of siblings jumping on him chanting "park park park park!" Needless to say, it was very painful. Mamoru took his siblings to the park at the shrine, ignoring the maximum capacity sign.

Mamoru: Okay guys, play. I'm going to go sit down.

Akinari: Hello Mamoru…

Mamoru: Hello Akinari. Isn't today a great day?

Akinari: The sun's too bright…

Mamoru: Oh well. Think of it this way. It's just a star, imagine how bright all the other ones are.

Akinari: They are too far away… (cough cough) I'm dying…

Mamoru: Oh don't be such a sourpuss. Today is a great day.

Akinari: You're not dying…

Mamoru: Oh I might as well be! I'm dying… Of happiness!

Akinari: I'm dying of cancer, heart attacks, strokes, leukemia, legions, and AIDS…

Mamoru: How did you get AIDS?

Akinari: I don't want to die a virgin…

Mamoru: Okay, well bye. I'm going to take my siblings home and beg for food at Iwatodai station.

Akinari: Bye…

While Mamoru was taking his siblings home he accidentally bumped into a monk with a cigar.

Mutatsu: Ugh, for some reason I feel like you could use this beer money more then me.

Mamoru: Sweet! Extra beef bowl here I come.

Thousands of siblings: I want some too!

Mamoru: This could be a problem.

In the end, Mamoru got as much food as he could and gave it all to his siblings and mother. What did he eat that day?

Mamoru: Cardboard… my favorite.

Part two: Ye shall be as Japanophiles

Andre Roland Jean Gerard, aka Bebe, is an interesting person, only replace interesting with Japan crazy. Someone got a little too into Pokemon at a young age. But is he really as annoying as the hype lives up to be? Granted, he speaks japanesse even AFTER the game is translated, then yes. But! He has a kick ass dragon shirt I would kill for! Note I don't know a damn lick of japanesse so there might be some mistakes in the coming story.

Bebe: zzz-zzz-zzz

Alarm clock wakes him up.

Bebe: Oh-hiyo, Nippon! Yatta! Arigato! Konichiwa! Toyota!

You're average morning with a japanophile.

Bebe: Konichiwa Arisato-san!

Minato: This is a fanfic. in America! You don't have to speak japanesse!

Bebe: Huh? What are you talking about? Japanesse is the only language I know!

Junpei: Bonjour dude! Or possible dudette?

Bebe: Bonjour? What is this Bonjour? I do not know of this Bonjour.

Junpei: Okay…

Bebe went about his morning in the usual manner. After class he went to his fashion club.

Bebe: I wish I had more members. Oh well. Frerejaka frerejaka dorevou dorevou.

Bebe suddenly realized what he was singing, and if you realized then OMG!

Bebe: ORA! I don't sing frerejaka! I sing japanoesse songs!

Bebe then sang a japanesse song that I probably don't know. Then Minato walked in,

Bebe: Arisato-san! Here for another fashion club session.

Minato: Uh yah. (Cough up that Yurlungr bitch!)

After school Bebe walked home.

Bebe: Wonderful. Another perfectly japanesse day.

The phone rang.

Bebe: Moshi moshi.

He was answered with FRENCH! Which I know even less of, I think. Anyway, the following is going to be dubbed over like a foreign kung-fu movie, you know like what they did on Wayne's World 2.

_Bebe: Gasp! Uncle!_

_Uncle: Andre! You must return home!_

_Bebe: No! I can't!_

_Uncle: Fool! France is calling!_

_Bebe: My heart lives in japan!_

_Uncle: I have no choice! I challenge you to kung-fu!_

_Bebe: I accept!_

Okay perhaps it wasn't entirely like that, or maybe it was. I don't know French. Anyway, after Bebe lost he had to return home. On the plane ride home Bebe looked out the window. Chasing after the plane was Minato!

Bebe: Arisato-san!

Minato: Bebe-chan!

Bebe: ARISATO-SAAAAAAN!

Minato: BEEEBEEEEEE-CHAAAAAN!

Bebe: Arisato-san! I will always treasure our relationship.

Minato: That's the thing. I haven't maxed out the s. link!

Bebe: Sayonara! Arisato-san!

Minato: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Now I can't get Orpheas Telos!

A sad day indeed….

Part Three: Clash of the nerds (Credit goes to Blu Rose for this skit's idea. Pure Genius)

Fuuka Yamagishi, a computer nerd. Not just computers even! She has the special chip thing you put on your DS and download stuff! Her PSP is a cell phone! Her computer is self-built. She hacked the CIA and sold American secrets to Japan! Okay well maybe that last part was a lie, but she is about to meet someone just as nerdy as her.

Jin: Hah! You think you're an uber nerd? Fool! I have to take you down a peg.

Fuuka: (Nerd mode) I won't hold back. Give it your best shot!

Jin: Then… TAKE HIS!

Jin got out a blackberry like thing. Maybe it's an iphone.

Jin: With this I can surf the internet at 5 times normal speed.

Fuuka just felt like an invisible hand sucker punched her in the face.

Jin: And I have 1000 gig of memory.

Fuuka fell over as an invisible force shoved her to the ground.

Jin: AND! I can call people WTHOUT BARS!

Fuuka coughed up blood.

Fuuka: You're really powerful but, do you have this.

Fuuka took out her cell phone and brought up a file she had saved on it. Damn cell-phones are getting advanced.

Jin: What is this…WHA!

Jin flew back 50 yards. His glasses fell off in pieces.

Jin: NOOOO! Now I'll never be in Persona 4. I WAS GOING TO BE A SECRET CHARACTER!

Fuuka: Not out in America yet.

Jin: Oh yeah. Right back to the matter at hand! How did you get the secret recipe to the crabby patty!

Fuuka: I hacked it.

Jin: I've been working on getting that recipe for years. To be outdone like this! No. Fuuka! I challenge you to a one on one showdown in Word of Warcraft,

Fuuka: Hah, you can't win with my haxxors!

Jin: Hah! You think I haven't haxxed yet? My chatater has infinite HP!

Fuuka: (gasps) No…. Not infinite HP! The most I got was max HP!

Jin: Showdown starts in thee hours. My character's name is BornToDie

Fuuka: I am ORACLEferU

Jin: Hmph.

Jin walked off. Fuuka had to find a way to beat someone with infinite HP. Back at the dorm.

Fuuka: What will I do!

Junpei was busy playing video games.

Junpei: Hah! Take that! Saber Dance.

Fuuka: How do I kill the unkillable?

Junpei: Ah! Blackrose heal me!

Fuuka: If only there was a way to strip him of his haxxs.

Junpei: Protect break! DATA DRAIN!

Fuuka got an idea from watching Junpei play .hack. Three hours later, in the WORLD OF WARCRAFT!

BornToDie: H4! F001z. 1 hv3 1nf1n173 HP! LOLOLOLOLOL!

ORACLEferU: N0t ym0r3! FORCED REFORMAT!

BornToDie: N00000!!111!!111ONE!

ORACLEferU: 1 WINZ!

Fuuka remains master nerd, but for how long?

Jin: I will get my revenge! I swear it!

Part four: Jesus flips hamburgers (Credit goes to IIyana)

One day Jesus got bored hanging around in heaven. So, after watching two decades on anime, he decided to reincarnate himself as some Japanese guy. Unfortunately he was gypped. There are no giant robots, magical girls, bulky men with chi wave powers, or half dog demon shard hunters, but it still had lolis.

Takaya: I am Jesus Yamaguchi!

Chidori: Jin, he thinks he's Jesus again.

Jin: NOOOOOO! I just got nerd served!

Chidori: Honostly sometimes I think I'm the only on here. I'm gonna go cut myself.

The mail arrived.

Jin: My latest issue of game informers. Please let it have the latest info on Final Fantasy 13! Oh and some bills.

Chidori: Do we have any money for the bills?

Jin: Nope.

Takaya: Mortals. Do not bind yourself to money as it is the root of all evils.

Jin: But we're the villains.

Takaya: Oh yah. Well then let's go find a job!

Can three social misfit druggies find a job? I don't know, but I bet it will be hilarious to find out.

McDonalds interviewer: Okay Mr. Takaya.

Takaya: Please call me Yamaguchi-san.

McDonalds interviewer: Okay then. According to your resume you have a bachelors degree in being a deadbeat.

Takaya: Graduated top of my class.

McDonalds interviewer: It also says you lead a cult for a month and attempted to stop a group of teenagers from stopping the end of the world. You failed and the cult. It makes you seem unreliable in your work. If you can't stop some teenagers with a gun then how can I trust you to flip hamburgers?

Takaya: I'll admit that was a rather large setback, but I have learned from this. Such as now buy real ammo instead of blanks.

McDonalds interviewer: I suppose that shows you learn from your mistakes. I believe we are down now. Bring in the next one please Yamaguchi-san.

Jin's turn.

McDonalds interviewer: It says hear you're a cyber hacker.

Jin: Please sir, its haxxor.

McDonalds interviewer: I'm sorry, but what does one such as you bring to our fine establishment.

Jin: I can steal Burger King secrets.

McDonalds interviewer: Welcome abord.

Chidori's turn.

McDonalds interviewer: It says here you're an emo goth loli that has a fetish for losers with baseball caps.

Chidori: And…

McDonalds interviewer: I really don't see what you have to offer to our establishment.

Chidori: …

Chidori locked the door. She turned around and got out her trademark hatchet.

Jin and Takaya were busy playing rock paper scissors. They are bored. Chidori greeted them.

Chidori: We all got the job.

Takaya: Excellent. Let us all thank god my dad for this.

Jin: You have a lot of ketchup stains on your dress, Chidori.

Chidori: Oh… Oh well. Let's just work.

Shinjiro enters.

Shinjiro: I would like some French fries and a milkshake.

Takaya: My first customer.

Shinjiro: YOU!

Shinjiro ran fast. He wasn't looking for his badass ending today.

Cielo enters.

Cielo: Wow! Japan sure is great. Much better den America where de cancer is so bad you get turned into de stone. Waiter! One drink!

Jin: One Cielo Moist.

Cielo: What?

Jin: What?

Cielo: Yes, I'm Cielo.

Jin: You're Cielo Mist.

Cielo: No! Just Cielo.

Jin: Okay, one Cielo Mist.

Cielo: What?

Jin: It's the drink, sir.

Cielo: Dere is a drink named after me?

Jin: Apparently. It's my favorite.

Jin then takes a Cielo Mist out of his suitcase. It's jammin mon!

Junpei enters

Junpei: Who's on deck?

Chidori: Me.

Junpei: Okay, I would like one lady with a side order of emo crazyness.

Chidori: Your hat in so sexy. Where are you on the social ladder?

Junpei: Bottom of the barrel.

He said in a sensual voice, which I suppose is kind of creepy considering the question.

Chidori: Take me away you hated loser!

Junpei: To the sun my crazy emo girl!

And he carried her off bridal style, or not. Anyway our favorite villains got the money for the rent and that's all that matters, but I bet you forgot all about that.


End file.
